So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
