On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
