so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will pee on everything he values.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
