Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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