Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
