That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Randomize
