I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
