i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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