Four minutes until I can fart!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
