I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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