A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
