If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
