he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
