the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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