i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
