True but thats because hes a fetus.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
