On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
