Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
