I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your penis caused this!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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