If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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