i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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