On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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