In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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