Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
