You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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