i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
