my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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