By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
