yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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