Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
