Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
