I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
