i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
