they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
