Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
