This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm like, not good at living.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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