like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
