Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
