I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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