Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
