My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When did angry sex become our thing?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
