Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How external is "for external use only"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
