Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
