so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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