i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
