Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
