I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
