I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
