why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
