Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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