gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
